


snirthday sex (snail birthday sex)

by GollumPanties



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: M/M, Second-Hand Embarrassment, TFLN - Freeform, hakyeon is terrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 09:29:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4700936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GollumPanties/pseuds/GollumPanties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(TFLN) "his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so i sent her a pic of me sucking his dick"</p>
            </blockquote>





	snirthday sex (snail birthday sex)

Hakyeon had just gotten to his knees, one of Taekwoon's hands sliding smoothly into his hair, when they both startled at the sudden buzz of a phone. Hakyeon could feel Taekwoon start to reach for his back pocket, but he managed to get there first. He batted Taekwoon's hands away and grabbed the device himself. (And maybe copped a quick feel while he was there.) The briefest glance at the screen showed that it was a text with an image attachment and Hakyeon passed the phone up without a second look.

"It's probably Jaehwan with his annual birthday greetings." Hakyeon grinned into the curve of Taekwoon's hip, playing idly with the open waistband of his jean just enough to make him shiver.

"You want me to open it _now_?" Taekwoon huffed. His voice hitched ever so slightly when Hakyeon ran his lips along the skin just above the elastic of his boxers.

"Oh, you know how Jaehwan's shitty memes get me all riled up."

That got a small laugh, and Hakyeon heard the tap of fingers as Taekwoon unlocked his phone to pull up the image.  
The soothing strains of "Birthday Sex" were still audible in the background, and it occurred to Hakyeon that it might have been a good idea to put together a playlist that actually contained more than one song, but hey. He'd been working to a deadline and if Taekwoon wanted a lovingly crafted mixtape containing hours of self-composed slow jams then he should have asked Wonshik. Not that he'd asked Hakyeon to begin with and, if presented with anything written by Wonshik on the topic at all, would probably have turned so red he spontaneously combusted on the spot, but still.

Hakyeon's train of thought was abruptly derailed when he felt Taekwoon go tense. A quick look up meant that he caught Taekwoon looking at his phone in something close to shock. It was gone a second later when he realized that Hakyeon was looking, but by that time Hakyeon had the phone out of his hands and was examining the message himself.  
A moment passed. Then-

"Is that who I think it is?"

"... Yes." Taekwoon's voice was curiously flat.

"And she's-"

"Yes."

Hakyeon glared at the phone in his hands as if he could incinerate the message's sender with the power of his mind. Taekwoon still refused to save most people's numbers in his phone — a privilege he reserved for an important few people whom he "actually wanted to contact" — and usually Hakyeon felt that it had a certain sullen charm to it. Usually. Not always. Not, for example, when it meant that a particularly horrible ex-girlfriend could ruin what had up to that point been a perfect romantic birthday evening by sending unsolicited nudes. Taken in a bathtub in a perfectly lit room, Hakyeon noted, and from such an angle that it was clear a second party was involved. Deliberately calculated to hurt, then. Hakyeon's jaw tightened as his fingers twitched on Taekwoon's hips.

It had been a bad breakup, he recalled. Two years ago to the day. He knew this because he had been there to deal with the fallout. He had seen firsthand how devastated the whole ordeal had left Taekwoon and now, to do _this_...  
When he met Taekwoon's eyes he saw a kind of tight worry there, an echo from those days two years ago. Hakyeon made an effort to choke back his own anger. Instead he pressed a gentle kiss low on Taekwoon's stomach, murmuring into the warm skin there.

"Pay attention to me instead," he said, and Taekwoon did.

It was rather a testament to his skills, Hakyeon thought, that Taekwoon didn't notice a thing until the sound of the shutter made him jump slightly. Hakyeon winced.

"What are you-" Taekwoon started, then stopped, flushing all the way to his ears. "You did _not_ just-"

"Come on, it's the perfect revenge," Hakyeon pointed out. "She's trying to rub in your face what she _thinks_ you should be missing, so if you show her how emphatically you _don't_ miss it, then her entire plan is shot." Hakyeon tossed his hair. "It doesn't hurt to brag that you ended up with the better end of the deal."

Taekwoon covered his eyes with one hand and muttered something unintelligible.

"That didn't sound like a 'no'," Hakyeon said, amused. "Was it a 'yes'?"

Taekwoon's only response was to turn a deeper shade of pink and try to shrink into his own shoulders like a giant turtle.

"Was that a 'for the love of god please stop'? Or was that a 'yes, Hakyeon, you're absolutely right'? Because-"

This time Taekwoon made a sort of strangled noise, accompanied by a hand gesture that Hakyeon, with his years of Taekwoon Translation experience, was able to interpret as something like "go ahead I'd just appreciate it if the earth would swallow me whole right now thanks."

Hakyeon smirked. Well, the _earth_ wouldn't be taking care of that part, that was for damn sure.

The situation made finding the best selca angle more difficult than usual, but Hakyeon was nothing if not up for a challenge. Taekwoon seemed to be slowly imploding into a black hole of mortification, but he made no move to stop Hakyeon as he tilted this way and that to get the right shot. He didn't even react to the perfectly filthy 'pop' Hakyeon made as he pulled back to examine his latest attempt.

"Hey," said Hakyeon after a moment's contemplation, "do you think you could sort of bend over a bit to get your face into the frame?"

"What?" Taekwoon sounded pained.

"I just want to make sure she knows you don't have a dick stand-in or anything," Hakyeon explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

" _What?_ "

"I mean, I don't know if she was well-acquainted enough with your dick that she could identify it on sight. Does it have any unique features? Wait, let me look."

Taekwoon gurgled gently and brought his other hand up to join the first one in covering his face.

"Don't be so self-conscious." Hakyeon patted his thigh. "It's perfectly lovely."

This didn't achieve quite the effect he'd been hoping for, but Hakyeon continued his efforts, undaunted.

Within a few minutes, however, it became clear that it didn't matter how undaunted _Hakyeon_ was because Taekwoon himself was good and daunted.

"Uh," said Hakyeon, "I hate to criticize, but..."

Taekwoon made a small miserable noise.

"I mean, no pressure or anything. It's just..."

"The moment is gone." Taekwoon sounded dead inside. More so than usual. "You killed it."

"Would you prefer it if it _were_ Jaehwan's birthday memes?" Hakyeon asked. "Would that help?"

"Hakyeon, _no_."

"Because I could text him. I'm sure he has something topically appropriate."

"It's not helping. Hakyeon, _you are not helping._ "

Taekwoon was barely understandable under all the embarrassed choking, but Hakyeon was pretty sure he detected the faintest note of scandalized amusement as well. He puffed a little laugh into the inside of Taekwoon's thigh. He felt just a little bit bad about how utterly adorable he found it, but Hakyeon couldn't help the warm, fond feeling that filled his chest as he watched Taekwoon blow out a shaky breath. He beamed up at the glare peeking out from between Taekwoon's fingers.

" _What,_ " Taekwoon repeated grouchily.

Hakyeon just shook his head, still smiling. It was the tone of voice he knew Taekwoon used when he was putting on a big show of being grumpy. Hakyeon stood as gracefully as he could manage, stepping close enough that he could feel the heat of Taekwoon's chest against his own, close enough that he could see the lingering tinge of pink across Taekwoon's cheeks.

"I have an idea," said Hakyeon, and he leaned in to whisper something.

This time Taekwoon didn't flush in the slightest, but standing this close Hakyeon could feel his heart speed and his breath catch. He could watch as he bit his lip over and over. Between Hakyeon's mouth at his ear and his hand between them, it didn't take long until Taekwoon was as... _undaunted_ as Hakyeon himself was.  
Quick as a flash, Hakyeon dropped once again to his knees, got into position, and snapped a shot before the embarrassment has time to wilt Taekwoon again.

"Hmm," he frowned. "I've done better. But then again, I've done worse. Do you want to see?"  
He offered the phone up for review, but Taekwoon just waved it away.  
"Right, I would trust my judgement too." Hakyeon paused. "Any preferences on filter?" he asked, then stifled a laugh at the look Taekwoon gave him.

Finally, message sent and phone pocketed (to block that damned number once and for all), Hakyeon turned back to the thoroughly enjoyable task at hand. After all that trouble, the night was back on track.

With the phone in his own pocket, it meant that when the phone buzzed again a few minutes later, Hakyeon was the only one to notice it. _That_ was probably Jaehwan's gift of rare Pepes. And if it wasn't...  
Hakyeon hummed thoughtfully, smiling to himself when he heard the back of Taekwoon's head hit the wall. If it wasn't, then Hakyeon knew exactly how to deal with it.

~*~

"-and that's the story of the best birthday sex Taekwoon ever had," Hakyeon announces proudly.

Hongbin and Sanghyuk clap politely, each hiding their smiles behind their hands. Wonshik claps as well, though he looks slightly more unsure about it.

"Am I the only one who's going to address the elephant in the room?" Jaehwan asks. He leans across the table and looks Hakyeon right in the eyes with the biggest shiteating grin imaginable. "Did I hear right that my memes get you all hot under the collar?"

The others burst out into muffled laughter, but Hakyeon just sips his drink calmly. Taekwoon, returning with a round of shots for the table, stops just long enough to smack Jaehwan upside the head before reclaiming his seat next to Hakyeon.

"To the birthday boy!" Wonshik calls, raising his shot glass.

"To a well-timed meme!" Jaehwan clinks his own against it.

"To Taekwoon hyung!" Hongbin and Sanghyuk join in.

"Happy birthday," says Hakyeon, just loud enough for only Taekwoon to hear.

Taekwoon links his pinky with Hakyeon's under the table, lifting his own shot in the other hand.

"Thank you," he says.

And they drink.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry
> 
> i'm memeloving trash (just like jaehwan)
> 
> i don't know what i'm doing anymore i can't believe i wrote neo goodbye world


End file.
